Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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