i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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