i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
