I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
