I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
