No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
