I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
