this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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