Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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