I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
