let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
