Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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