let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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