I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
