i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
