I smell stomach acid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
