I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
