Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
