whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
