so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she peed on how many people?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
