i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
