take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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