i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
