I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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