I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
