just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
