def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
