the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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