You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
