She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
