i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
