Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
