You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
