just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
