the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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