Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just gift wrapped bread.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
