She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
