We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
