And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
