there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
