NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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