Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
