So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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