I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
