Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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