im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
