she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
