I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
