I hate all girls vehemently.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
