Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
