STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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