i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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