Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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